It is Not Your Fault

How many times in your life have you ever said, “I blame myself for what happened?”  It could be in reference to the smallest of grievances.  For example, I left the door open and the cat got out.  It’s easy to take the blame for the small stuff, much harder when the consequences are life-changing.

Recently a friend’s Facebook post revealed a mother’s feelings of blame from not being able to protect her child from the tragedies of war in her former country of Bosnia.  Even though her son is now a successful young man, she carries that blame in her heart.  I admired her willingness to share that statement publicly and responded in a post, “You are an amazing mother.”  Other posts soon followed praising her strength.

I understand blame, but not in the same manner as my friend.  My guilt, all those years ago, was in questioning if I could have done something to prevent Sergei Kourdakov’s death.  Even though I was two thousand miles away at the time, I somehow felt responsible.  I was young then, only twenty-one, and not aware of how fast life can change.  I never expected the unexpected.  And I wondered if his death was somehow my fault.  Was there something I could have said or done differently?  In my book, A Rose for Sergei, I write about carrying that guilt in my heart.  It is liberating to finally share my long-held secret with readers.

For my friend whose son witnessed the tragedies of war, I say “It is not your fault, do not blame yourself.”  And, as an adult now, I know that there was nothing I could have done to change the course of events in Sergei’s life.  Just as I know, it was not my fault that Sergei died.