How many
times in your life have you ever said, “I blame myself for what happened?” It could be in reference to the smallest of
grievances. For example, I left the door
open and the cat got out. It’s easy to
take the blame for the small stuff, much harder when the consequences are
life-changing.
Recently
a friend’s Facebook post revealed a mother’s feelings of blame from not being able to
protect her child from the tragedies of war in her former country of Bosnia. Even though her son is now a successful young man,
she carries that blame in her heart. I
admired her willingness to share that statement publicly and responded in a
post, “You are an amazing mother.” Other
posts soon followed praising her strength.
I
understand blame, but not in the same manner as my friend. My guilt, all those years ago, was in questioning
if I could have done something to prevent Sergei Kourdakov’s death. Even though I was two thousand miles away at
the time, I somehow felt responsible. I
was young then, only twenty-one, and not aware of how fast life can change. I never expected the unexpected. And I wondered if his death was somehow my
fault. Was there something I could have
said or done differently? In my book, A Rose for Sergei, I write about carrying
that guilt in my heart. It is liberating
to finally share my long-held secret with readers.
For my
friend whose son witnessed the tragedies of war, I say “It is not your fault,
do not blame yourself.” And, as an adult
now, I know that there was nothing I could have done to change the course of
events in Sergei’s life. Just as I know,
it was not my fault that Sergei died.
.JPG)
