Sergei Kourdakov, a former KGB agent and Soviet naval intelligence officer, defected from the USSR at the age of twenty. A year later we met at my Federal Government office in Washington DC. We were watched and followed. “Even you could be spy,” Sergei whispered. My book, A Rose for Sergei, is the true story of our time together.

Monday, January 31, 2022

The Writer Talks! | Sergei Kourdakov

I recently had the opportunity to talk about Sergei Kourdakov on the podcast program, The Writer Talks! The interviewer/author, Asha G. Kumar, engages with award-winning writers as well as indie authors from across the world as she asks them to share their books, writing process and love of literature.

I was thrilled when she reached out to me to discuss my book, A Rose for Sergei. Of course I said “yes” when she invited me on her podcast. Ms. Kumar is a writer, has a Masters in English Literature and 14 years experience as an educator, as well as a lifelong enthusiasm for literature.

I felt like I was talking with a dear friend right from the beginning of the interview. Asha’s introduction was heartfelt as she began:

The thing about memories, our fondest, happiest or the most painful experiences are etched in our forever memories. Have you ever held onto an unspoken memory… for decades maybe? Well my guest today, author Kolleen Kidd has done precisely that. She has held onto an unspoken secret memory for four decades… and finally decided to relive it freely by penning her captivating memoir, A Rose for Sergei.

* * *

Watch the YouTube podcast by clicking below.

A Rose for Sergei by Kolleen Kidd on The Writer Talks!




Monday, January 3, 2022

Sergei Kourdakov | Round Trip Ticket

The following short fiction story was inspired by my writers group. The writing topic was, “Who would you meet in heaven?” Once I got home from the meeting, the story unfolded quickly. And, yes, someone really did wonder what would happen if you met your enemy. My imagination took off in an entirely different direction.

* * * * *

Round Trip Ticket

by Kolleen Kidd

    The topic from Writers’ Roundtable was, “Who would you meet in heaven?” We all agreed that it was an interesting subject. The talk around the table increased. “What if you met Napoleon in heaven, what would you say to him? What if you met your enemy?”

    I chuckled softly. I never thought about meeting enemies in heaven, I only wanted to meet good people. But my writer friends clued me in on that possibility. We ended the discussion clearly looking forward to all the possibilities when we read our stories the following week.

    Once at home, I nuked some hot water for my orange herbal tea, grabbed a chocolate biscotti and headed to my computer. Before the meeting I had noticed some odd stats on my book blog website and wanted to check it out. Hmmm…twenty-seven page views from Austria in one day was a little peculiar, but it’s possible.  Seems okay, I thought as I signed out of my blog and waited for my desktop settings to appear.

    Nothing happened though. No Google icon, no Twitter or Facebook icons. I was half expecting the “black screen of death.” Instead of that I was facing a blank, glowing white space. In seconds a message appeared smack in the middle of the screen. Bright, bold yellow letters formed to spell out: “Congratulations, you have won a round trip ticket to…heaven! Click here.”

    I shook my head back and forth and mumbled, “Great, I have a heaven virus on my computer.” The smart part of me knew not to “mouse click” on anything inviting me to click on it. But my curious side caused me to reach out and touch the word “heaven.” Who wouldn’t want to touch heaven?

    Instantly, I was drawn into a sea of beautiful swirling clouds as I felt the wind rushing past me at lightning speed. I wasn’t afraid, I felt peace and love when I arrived at…at where I wasn’t exactly sure. But there was a pearly white gate and a light so bright behind it that I was pretty sure it had to be heaven.

    An angel materialized in front of me and confirmed that I indeed was at heaven’s gate. His wings extended the full length of his body and kindness radiated from his face in golden rays of light. He was quite tall, but then he was floating above me.

    He told me he was Archangel Gabriel, a messenger. One of his angelic duties was to support writers and journalists. His words were music to my ears. It was comforting to know that writers really had a special someone looking over our shoulders. I told him I had once sensed a presence when writing but seldom shared that information.

    “I’ve been with you throughout your writing journey,” he beamed. “But that’s not the real reason for your visit today.”

    I leaned slightly to the right as I tried to peer around him. I longed to see what was behind the ornate gates. Layers of clouds in every imaginable color obscured my view. Straightening, I replied, “Actually, I’m not sure how this all came about.”

    Gabriel extended his glowing wings and floated lower. His voice was soft and calming. “Your round trip visit to heaven doesn’t actually let you inside the gates. It’s not your time yet. But you are allowed to meet one person while you’re here.”

    “What?” I cried out. “It’s not possible to choose to see only one person…my parents, grandparents, the list goes on. I can’t decide. My heart aches, Gabriel. You choose. Please choose for me.”

    “There is someone,” Gabriel boldly proclaimed. “I sense that you know who that person is.”

    I gasped as my hand flew to my heart. “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes, I do know.”

    Gabriel’s wings drew up and wrapped around his entire angelic form. “Then it shall be.” In one swift motion his magnificent wings unfurled. Wisps of clouds floated where he once had been.

    I stood motionless as feelings of love washed over me. Winds whirled around me from every direction. I closed my eyes as my hair swept wildly across my face. Visions formed in my mind of a past long gone but never forgotten.

    I reached out. 



Monday, October 4, 2021

Sergei Kourdakov | An Unexpected Encounter

The following short story is from an article I wrote for an online authors’ group. Talking about my book, A Rose for Sergei…

This true story chronicles my real-life relationship with Soviet defector Sergei Kourdakov. In 1972 our worlds collided in Washington, DC. Sergei was ex-KGB. I worked for the Department of Defense. We were both twenty-one at the time and the instant attraction surprised us both. Dating a Soviet defector during the Cold War years came with some risks. As Sergei’s and my life intertwined, I learned what it was like to be watched and followed. I learned that life is complicated when you each think the other is a spy.

I kept my relationship with Sergei a secret for more than forty years. It’s hard to keep a secret today though, especially when you can text or tweet anything, anywhere in the world in a matter of seconds. But I learned to keep secrets at a young age.

The summer before my senior year of high school, I was hired as a clerical assistant to work for the Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA). I was just sixteen years old. I couldn’t tell anyone about my work or the location of where I worked. I didn’t even tell my parents any details. When the summer job ended I was hooked. The mystery and intrigue of the intelligence world captivated me. After graduation the following year, I started working full time for DIA.

Keeping secrets was an essential part of the job–from “Eyes Only” documents, to “Need to Know” to “Top Secret Code Words.” I didn’t know it at the time, but all that training prepared me for staying silent about my unexpected encounter with Sergei Kourdakov.

So what happened…what convinced me to write a book all these years later when I never wanted to be an author? The unexpected motivator turned out to be social media. The controversial information I discovered online about Sergei Kourdakov’s life and his autobiography, The Persecutor, convinced me I needed to speak up. After all, I heard Sergei’s story in the privacy of my own apartment. I knew him personally. Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, I was compelled to tell his story.

It’s easy enough to say one wants to write a book. In reality, it’s harder to follow through with that idea. As a result of where I worked, I had one extra step in the writing process. I was required to have my manuscript approved for open publication by the Department of Defense’s Office of Prepublication and Security Review. Since writing was never on my radar, I surprised myself when everything was completed.

After publishing A Rose for Sergei, friends who had known me for years were shocked to learn about my connection to Sergei Kourdakov. Because his book was published in multiple languages, I’ve heard from people all around the world who were excited to find out more about him. My book’s appeal seems to be universal; readers are young adults to over ninety.

This is a first-hand account. I believe Sergei had completely changed his life from the person he was in the Soviet Union. The goal for writing this book has consistently remained the same. Sergei Kourdakov longed for freedom and I wanted his trials, strength and joy to be remembered.

Still to this day…when I hear the 70’s song, “Saturday in the Park” by Chicago, I am twenty-one again, searching my apartment for hidden microphones, screwdriver in hand…stereo volume on high to cover my movements while pretending that everything is normal.

—K. Kidd

* * *




Tuesday, June 29, 2021

The Persecutor | A Rose for Sergei

I’ve been planning to update the book cover for A Rose for Sergei for a while. Even though I was attached to the old cover I knew it was time to make the change.

Before the Covid19 pandemic lockdown, I had talked with the manager of a local bookstore regarding an author talk. After a quick discussion, I handed him a copy of my book. When he looked at the cover, only one word slipped out. “Oh!” Even though he was interested to know more about Sergei Kourdakov, that one word conveyed so much more. Note to self back then: Update Book Cover! 

A year has passed since that meeting. Over the lockdown I played around with a few different cover styles. Yes, I could have asked a designer for help. But all I wanted was a simple red rose along with a silhouette of St. Basil’s Cathedral. It was an easy project I could create myself. Yet, I procrastinated. 

A few weeks ago I received an email from Vince Stevenson requesting an author interview on his podcast, Boomers on Books. I went into overdrive to complete the new book cover design and uploaded it to Amazon just in time for the interview.

Heartfelt thanks to author Vince Stevenson for having me as a guest on his podcast. Vince is a pro at public speaking and interviewing. He is also quite the entertainer, with a quick sense of humor. I actually missed his remark during the live show when he said that a “spy” was asking a question in the comment section.

I was nervous in the beginning of the interview, but the time flew by quickly. Upon reflection … the podcast has reminded me of how much more there is to Sergei’s story. There are still answers to be found. 

Click below for the YouTube podcast.




Monday, February 1, 2021

Sergei Kourdakov | A Mysterious Life

Author Dane Cramer released a video on January 1, 2021 about some of the mystery that surrounds Sergei Kourdakov.

The YouTube video The Mysterious Life of Sergei Kourdakov release date also coincides with the 48th anniversary of Sergei Kourdakov’s death.  I hope readers will take a few minutes to check out Mr. Cramer’s video.  As always, his work is informative and professional!  It was a nice surprise that he included my book, A Rose for Sergei.

This past week the news has been filled with stories about Russian dissenter Alexi Navalny’s imprisonment upon his return to Russia, and how he wanted it known that he would not take his own life while in prison.  Mr. Navalny’s words chilled me.

Forty-eight years ago I had heard similar words from Sergei Kourdakov as he implored me to listen to him — Sergei was calmly seated beside me as he tried to make me understand what could happen to a Soviet defector.  I can still remember his somber face, the way he looked directly into my eyes as he spoke: “I would never take my own life.  I would never do that.  Do you understand why I am telling you this?”  I fully understood all too well what he was telling me.

I’ll be on the lookout for Mr. Cramer’s next video where he discusses Sergei Kourdakov’s death.

That is where the real mystery begins.

Sergei Kourdakov
ARoseforSergei.blogspot.com

Click Below for Video

The Mysterious Life of Sergei Kourdakov

 * * *

Click Below for Blog Version

(Includes all Russian Interviews)

Sergei Kourdakov and the Quest for Truth



Friday, January 1, 2021

Sergei Kourdakov | The Girl in the Room

New Year’s Day 2021 marks the 48th anniversary of Sergei Kourdakov’s death. From what we’ve read in police and news reports there was one other person with him the night he died. The girl in the room with Sergei was seventeen-year-old Ann Johnson. It was only a few years ago, though, that I found out that Ann claimed she was Sergei’s “fiancée.”

I was surprised about her “fiancée” claim because it was contrary to what I knew. I went back and re-read a newspaper clipping I saved from The Washington Post — Slain Defector Buried Here dated January 12, 1973: [Ann was] a young woman with whom friends said he [Sergei] enjoyed a “brother-sister” relationship.

Sergei and I had planned to spend the Christmas holidays together with my family in Massachusetts. Everything changed when we found out that Sergei would not be allowed onto the restricted USAF base where my parents lived. After that disappointing news, Sergei made arrangements to stay with the Johnson family in California. Sergei had given me the Johnson Family home telephone number so I could call him on December 25, 1972. It is highly unlikely that Sergei would have given me (his girlfriend) the phone number of his “fiancée.”

I believe it was Mr. Johnson who answered the phone on Christmas day. We wished each other a “Merry Christmas” before Sergei came on the line. That was my only contact with the Johnsons. It was also the last time I ever heard Sergei’s voice.

Of all the questions that I’m asked after people read A Rose for Sergei, there is always one that comes up repeatedly. What about Ann? Hmmm, yes. My question exactly – what about Ann?

Questions from Readers

 

Was Ann Johnson at Sergei’s funeral?

No

 

Do you think Ann was really Sergei’s fiancée?

I’m pretty sure she was not.

 

Wouldn’t a woman attend the funeral of the man she loved and was engaged to?

I agree, you would think so, but Ann wasn’t at Sergei’s funeral.  I was.

 

Have you heard from Ann?

No

 

Why do you think Ann Johnson hasn’t contacted you?

I don’t have an answer for that.


* * *



 



 



 

Monday, December 21, 2020

A House is Not a Home | K. Kidd

I know many families who aren’t traveling for the 2020 holidays this year.  Just when we thought there was an end in sight, the Covid-19 pandemic took an upswing, cancelling travel plans all around the world.

With Christmas just a few days away, and knowing I won’t be seeing all my family this year, I thought about a story I wrote in my writing group.  The topic was: Describe Your Childhood Home.  Now, more than ever, it seems like the right time to share this story.

* * *

A House is Not a Home

Sit back in your chair, relax, stretch your legs out and get comfy while I take you on a virtual tour of my childhood home.  Stay alert though… because there’s a lot to tell you about my parents’ house.

My earliest memories are of lots of sunshine, and a swing set in the back yard.  I was four years old and had an older brother and sister, and a new baby brother.  My father flew jets on the Air Force base, and my mother took care of us.  I was too young to remember what the house actually looked like.  It had a roof and rooms.  But that swing set beckoned me daily to monkey climb all over it… that is until I fell and broke my arm.  To this day I still remember staring at the bright lights on the hospital ceiling as I rolled through the halls on a gurney.  Mom was at my side telling me I would be okay. 

I remember days filled with laughter and picnics on white sandy beaches when I was six… exploring caves even though we were told it was unsafe to do such things.  And the house had a roof and rooms.  I remember with such clarity the night I couldn’t fall asleep and told my parents about the large moving dark spot on the wall right above my head.  “Hush sweetie, go back to bed, it’s only moonlight shadows playing tricks on you,” Mom consoled.  It was a good thing I was insistent and Mom and Dad came to check it out.  When they flipped on the light switch in my bedroom they saw the biggest, meanest, ugliest black spider the size of a man’s hand just inches above my pillow. To this day my fear of spiders is off the charts.

By the time I was ten, I could draw you a floor plan of our house.  The kitchen was long and narrow with plenty of room for family meals.  The basement was open with space for toys.  The ceiling in the living room was vaulted and there was a ton of room for us to all play.  It was a good thing because I now have another younger brother and a baby sister.  That brings our family to eight members.  Holidays were like magic in our house and the laughter never stopped.  Throughout the years, the aromas of home-made bread, cookies, cakes and pies always filled the air.  And winters, oh how I loved the snow and ice skating with my family. 

At age twelve, you start to see more than just rooms in a house.  I suddenly appreciated the stunning views from the kitchen window and my bedroom window.  Snow capped mountains in the fall and winter looked like paintings drawn on these windows.  But they were the real thing.  Even today when the wind whips through my hair on a cool fall day, I’m instantly taken back to family picnics in the mountains.  As our family grew, so did the happy memories.  And the love and laughter never stopped.  Roasting chestnuts over an open fire didn’t mean roasting them in your living room fireplace though!  We had to duck for cover and roll when those chestnuts popped open and shot out at everyone.  It was just another Christmas filled with family fun times.

You look at your parents’ house differently when you’re a teenager.  By now everyone is getting older, and growing taller and taking up way too much space.  “Why does this house only have two bathrooms,” was a constant battle cry.  And the house seemingly shrinks right before your eyes.  But still, it is the same.  Every birthday is celebrated with a special, delicious, home-cooked meal and Mom’s to-die-for German Chocolate Cake.  Every Friday Dad prepared his famous hot and juicy hamburgers.  I think his secret was throwing in a little bit of bacon grease in the fry pan.

I remember that the curtains were always pulled back in the house to let in the light and to take in the view of the surroundings. On the weekends, I loved to sit in the living room, cradling a hot cup of coffee in my hands, while talking with everyone.  The view outside the wall of windows in that room was spectacular… especially in the winter time, when the pine trees next to the patio were covered in snow.  

The house seems even smaller when I’m twenty-one.  Life seems more hectic, for all of us, as we change with the seasons of life.  But inside the four exterior walls of the house, the same familiar family routines continue and happy memories are made.  This was the year we made the “Magical Christmas Show” movie.  I was the magician, and stopping and starting the movie camera made that an easy trick to pull off.

Fall is my favorite time of year, so I would be remiss if I did not describe the huge wrap-around front porch at my parents’ house.  Rocking chairs and a suspended porch swing decorated this area.  There was plenty of room for everyone.  This peaceful spot had become a favorite place to relax and share funny family stories.  The rooms in the house are bigger now and joyous laughter fills the air.  There is plenty of room in the house for all my siblings, their spouses and their children to run and romp.

Being raised in an Air Force family meant uprooting and moving every few years.  Therefore, the house I’ve described is actually a conglomeration of eight different houses.  Aside from the opening paragraph in this story, the other paragraphs each represented a different house comprised of the following locations—Arizona, Okinawa, Michigan, Colorado, Virginia, Massachusetts, Texas and finally Virginia again.  I actually never lived in the last three houses I talked about.  When I was eighteen I stayed in Virginia because I was already working full-time for the Department of Defense.

What I learned over the years from all these moves is that a house really is just a structure consisting of a roof, walls and multiple rooms.  It is in fact the people inside those walls that truly make a house a home.  And the two are very different.  Home is a place filled with loving parents and siblings, happy memories, and treasured moments of life.  A house is a place to keep your possessions.

My mother explained it this way.  Her favorite saying over the holidays was, “All hearts go home for Christmas.”  She was absolutely right… home is where your heart is.— Kolleen Kidd

* * *

May Your Heart Go Home for Christmas This Year